No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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