We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
