You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
