when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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