Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
