So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
