do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
