there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
