nut hugger
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
