Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
