i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
