I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
