it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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