I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
