you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
youre lurking in front of me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish you could order shots online.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
