it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
