I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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