drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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