when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
