I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
