I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
