then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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