So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
