i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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