Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
