He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
