Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
