I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
