this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
