nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
