I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Bring me that man meat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Someone signed my nipple.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
