im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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