So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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