the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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