That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
