i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
