Your dad touched me again.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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