I seem to have left my pride at pride
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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