I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
