Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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