I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
