I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
