OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
