mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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