going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i will never coherently bang her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
