Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
