oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
