Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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