i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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