I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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