Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
