I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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